Subplotter's Journal

A tangled web of fangirliness.

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Thoughts - Luke/Sylar - R
Title: Thoughts
Author: subplotter 
Pairing: Luke/Sylar (one-sided?)
Rating: R
Warnings: Masturbation, asphyxiation kink, daddy issues
Word Count: 563
Summary: Sometimes Luke thinks too much, and sometimes he can't think at all.

Luke liked to strangle himself when he masturbated.  But the asphyxiation and the touching--no matter how much he wished it--just wasn't enough sometimes.  He would file through all of the obscene images in his mind before he settled on Sylar, and then the guilt at merely landing there would get him off.

Luke wasn't sure where that kink came from--the guilt.  It probably had something to do with the beatings he'd received at the hands of his father as a young child, but even going to that explanation made Luke's stomach twist.  So he tried not to give it much thought.  But it was so hard not to think in this car, what with Sylar being so silent and the music so good at pervading Luke's mind.  And when he was able to ignore the music, it was only because his eyes had become occupied; Sylar, with such beauty and such depth, was always there.

Until he wasn't.  The first time had been enough, the station wagon pulling away and Luke thinking surely he would die wherever he was going.  He wanted to die, dammit, if Sylar wasn't there.  His life had been shit, and then it wasn't, and then it was worse than it ever had been.  So let the men in black suits kill him.

But the second time--the second time he didn't have any thoughts.  Something snapped.  Well he had felt this feeling before when his father left.  His father had kicked Luke's seven-year-old's stomach before stumbling out of the door drunk as he had so many times.  But this time Luke heard the truck rev and the white-rock crunch, and Mom was crying and laughing at the same time.

Without thoughts, Luke simply lay out flat on the floor of the diner, stared at the water-leaked ceiling.  He vaguely registered his eyes getting dry and burning, and then they were watering.  Once they were watering, it was so easy to cry.  So he cried...a little.  And then he rolled onto his side and stared at the wall instead.

Luke didn't remember falling asleep, but the next thing he registered was a heavy hand on his arm.  "Luke."

Sylar.  Sylar?  Luke pulled away, hugged his knees to his chest.  His eyes were wide for a moment, and then they were closed, and then Luke was rocking back and forth, back and forth.

"Luke, come on."

"No!"  Back and forth, back and forth.  "You left me for so long this time."

"I did.  And now I'm back.  So let's go."  When Sylar tried to reach his hand out to Luke again, Luke grasped it and let out some heat, searing Sylar's skin momentarily.  Sylar sighed, stood.  "If you don't want to come, I'm not going to make you."  But he didn't leave.

Luke stood, pressed a palm to the wall for support.  "I've been messed up for a long time, okay?  But you--you're just messing me up more.  And next time maybe you won't be able to pull me back out."

"Out of where, Luke?"

"Out of...out of no thoughts."  Luke wasn't sure if Sylar got it, but Sylar nodded and gestured toward the door.  Luke preceded him out, got into the station wagon, and closed his still-burning eyes.  When Luke heard the music come on and the car start, he felt suddenly glad to have to run from his thoughts.

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Oh, this was heartbreaking.

I've been messed up for a long time, okay? But you--you're just messing me up more.
This is so honest, I think I might love you for it!

Good job!

Thank you so much! This is my first Heroes fanfic ever, and I was worried haha. XD

"You left me for so long this time."

Aw, God, poor thing *huggles Luke*

*likes the word 'huggle'*

Thanks for your comment! :)

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